пятница, 7 июня 2013 г.

Happiness | Felicità | Le Bonheur

25 and feelin' fine!

I weigh in today and after a horrible past two weeks of WW, I step on the scale to find out I lost 3.8 pounds this week! Which put me at the 25 pound mark…I have lost a total of 25.2 pounds so far!!! AHHHH happiest girl alive right now! and SO proud of myself. I think I am about 10-15 pounds max away from my goal!!!! =)

"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who..."

"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heart beat, or will stay awake to watch you sleep, wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you're just in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends. Who thinks that you're just as pretty without make-up on, one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you…The one who turns to his friends with a smile and says, "She's the one!""

unexpected.

These past three days were exactly that… unexpected. I heard from a friend of many years that I have lost touch with over the years. My family has always been close family friends with his. The first thing he says to me is of how beautiful he always thought I was but was way to scared or unsure as to how or when to tell me, but got the guts to do so that night. Completely blindsided and flattered, I thanked him. Before you know it, we’re talking, catching up, and we start to flirt. Now, I would be lying if I said I didn’t think he was absolutely handsome and I’ve always thought that. I honestly thought he was completely out of my league and he would never think I am pretty or attractive whatsoever. That night, I end up going to his house to watch a movie with him and just hang out with an old friend (although we all know that that probably wasn’t the only thing that was going to happen). To make a long story short, we end up hooking up. I couldn’t believe it happened, but it did. I was unsure as to what it was or that it actually did. I left happy and confused at the same time.

The next day, we continue talking. After class, we decide to get drinks at a bar. I have to say, I honestly had the most genuine fun time in a very long time. Although us hooking up and going out together is a completely foreign, new, and confusing concept to me, it felt right, easy, and comfortable. I was relaxed, I could be myself…I didn’t have to try. He was treating so good too, doing things no guy has ever done for me, like opening my car door!!! Like what guy does that now!? Everything was going good!! I couldn’t believe it but I did because I couldn’t stop smiling. We go back to his place. That night, he just continues to compliment me, saying the most amazing things any girl would want to hear. I couldn’t help but blush. I find him almost irresistible. We hook up again.

Last night, we hang out at his place. Again, we hook up but this time I sleep over. Today, he went back to his apartment in the city. Hopefully, like he said, he’ll come out a weekend soon and we can hang out. I have NO idea where this is going or what it means but I’m just gonna hang out and enjoy the ride. I shouldn’t doubt mine or his feelings - as I always seem to do. I don’t feel that I deserve to be thought up in such a way that he says he thinks of me or treats me as well as he did these past three days.

I’m not unsure about these past three days only that it was completely unexpected. 

But, I know that it makes it that much more exciting!

so yea, didn’t go to my meeting. shame on me. i weighed myself at home on my WW scale and it...

so yea, didn’t go to my meeting. shame on me. i weighed myself at home on my WW scale and it says I went up just under a pound. Okay, not that bad. We all have an off week. I am already doing SO much better this week! Tracking Everything and eating a lot more healthier with more control! My mind needs to be there because if not, my stomach will soon be! ;-)

Bad Week

Ok, so I have a confession. This past week was probably one of my worst weeks on Weight Watchers. I don’t know what it was but my brain and stomach were working together against me! They were telling me, “eat that chocolate,” “c’mon, another piece won’t hurt,” “it’s not that many points… don’t even bother tracking!” Seriously, I felt that I had no control, and THAT is the worst feeling. I decided not to go to Weight Watchers to weigh in today. One, I don’t want to face that scale, but I am going to weigh in at home. At least I know if I gained or lost. I know I know what you’re all gonna say, YOU’RE WRONG FOR NOT GOING TO THE MEETING! And, you are all right. But, I also can’t go because I have a personal training appointment then and because I know myself. I am going to start fresh starting today. It’s a new week. We all have off weeks. But I am going to be serious and think before I put anything in my mouth. In an hour, I will know my consequences. PURE FEAR.

all i want to do this week is EAATTTT!! why?!?!?! ugh gotta stop munching!!

all i want to do this week is EAATTTT!! why?!?!?! ugh gotta stop munching!!

HIIT

High Intensity Interval Training.

It’s a new month and time for a new workout. I run at least 6 miles a day 6-7 days a week. Since i have just about 10-15 pounds left to go for my weight-loss goal, it is getting harder to lose those pounds, especially at a pace I was losing the past 22 pounds. I’ve done my research and HIIT seems to be the key! High intensity for short amounts of time, and then a bit longer recovery time leads to over 30% more weight-loss  an increase in endurance, cardiovascular activity, muscle and overall health! Hopefully, this is exactly what I need!

Birthday = Break (UPDATE)

I weight in and……..

I LOST .4! it’s not a lot but it’s still losing! and I still drank and ate what I wanted this weekend! SUCH a great feeling! Now, I am at a total weight-loss of 22.6 POUNDS! :) can’t wait for this week! 

Birthday = Break

So this past Sunday was my 23rd Birthday! And, it was a great one! Saturday night I went into the city. I ate good all day and for dinner, I had a glass of prosecco, salmon, and some cake! (hehe) I knew going into my birthday weekend that I was going to be tempted to eat not as I am used to on a weekly basis with weight watchers and was definitely going to drink. But that’s okay. That’s life. I worked out every day prior, like I always do, and I still did my best attempt to track and stay on track. I DID NOT go completely off the ban wagon because keep in mind, you still need control or else…. a lot of things will go off balance! But I accepted that when I go to weigh in today, that it’s okay if the scale doesn’t go down or stays the same up even maybe goes up. It was my birthday and I enjoyed it! That is most important! Remember, it wasn’t one birthday that got us all to where we were when we started weight watchers. It wasn’t that one piece of cake or one cookie or lick of frosting. It was months and years of poor eating habits and choices. But now, it’s weigh in day and its a fresh start to get back on my grind! Here’s to tracking, a healthy lifestyle, good and smart choices all while still enjoying life …just one year older now! =)

WW Update

Up until now, I have currently lost a total of 22.2 pounds! I am still in shock to say that I have lost that much in almost 5 months! It has been hard work and dedication, but that is what I am..dedicated. Dedicated to being fit, healthy, skinny, a newer and better version of me. I still have more to go, but I’m more than halfway there! And, I can’t wait to see the results!

I am having a difficult time deciding, however, my goal weight. I have an idea but I am not sure as to how I will first, look/feel at that weight, and two, if I’ll be able to maintain it. For now, I am setting small goals. I do know is that whatever my goal weight is, I would LOVE to have reached it before the summer! It’s going to be hard, but I’m committed and determined

the highlight of my valentine's day… baking rose...





the highlight of my valentine's day… baking rose cupcakes and a rose cake! 

Major Milestone

Yesterday, around 10:15 I walked into my Weight Watchers meeting and stepped on the scale. The results brought me almost to tears. This past week, I lost a total of 5 pounds! This alone felt amazing because I have been in a rut the past couple of weeks with not losing much and not being in love with the program like I used to be. This past week, I tracked EVERYTHING and it paid off. Tracking works, its really does. Only track the weeks you want to lose weight. It’s that simple.

Losing those 5 pounds were exactly what I needed both for my physical accomplishment of losing weight but also for my self-esteem. Those 5 pounds brought me to a total weight loss of 22 pounds! I never in a million years thought I would be able to lose over 20 pounds, nonetheless 5 or even 10! I am the lightest I have been in YEARS and I feel amazing. My birthday is coming up and I cannot wait to strut my stuff in my birthday suit dress! :-P I am truly proud of myself and am ecstatic that I found a program that works for me for the long-term  I can’t wait to reach my final goal and be able to say I did it. I am one of those people that I always admire whether through the TV or in real life to be think to myself, “I wish I could lose 30 pounds like they did.” And you know what, I am 2/3 of the way there! See you at the finish line! =)

"Cooking is Love made Visible."

"Cooking is Love made Visible."

Cheers to a new me in 2013!

I am especially excited for the new year! Going into this new year, I am a completely different person from who I was last new year’s. Firstly, I am 17 pounds lighter! :) I am so proud of all the hard work I have done to achieve a much healthier lifestyle with the help and thanks of Weight Watchers. I now am much more active, running 5.5 miles a day, and am much happier with myself! Secondly, I am a recent college graduate, having earned a B.S. from Fordham University’s Gabelli School of Business after four years of hard work and dedication. AND, I will be attending culinary school in January, taking the first step in my new career path. Going from business to culinary has been a hard and unsure decision of mine, but with a new clear path and affirmed direction, I am crawling out of my skin to begin this new journey. I finally feel that I am me. 

The new me cannot wait to keep improving, to work hard, to find out who she truly is. The new me cannot wait to see what her future holds. The new me cannot wait to find her happy place!

So cheers to a new me in 2013! Happy New Year Everyone!

small, MEDIUM, large

Today is a big day. And no, not because it marks the end of the world according to the Mayans. Today is a big big day, especially for my best friend B because she is going to visit a medium today. Four years ago this coming February, my friend B had lost her mother to breast cancer, as it was her second time fighting the horrific disease. It was one of the most tragic and saddest days of my life to see my friend suffer such a loss at such a young age. Over the years after her mother’s passing, my friend has had a very difficult time coping. She now has high anxiety, feels alone, and has never had closure with the passing of her mother. My best friend S and I are TOTAL believers in mediums and the afterlife. Now this post is not to make anyone agree with our view but our friend is very open to the idea, yet hesitant because she is nervous her mother will not come through and have something to say. I think she definitely will. What mother would not want something to say to her daughter after leaving her at such an unexpected time in her early years? Nevertheless, my friend S and I both believe this will bring peace, closure, and harmony is our friend’s life. As our Christmas present to her, I hope this session this morning turns into one of the best Christmas presents I could ever do for someone I truly care about and want nothing but happiness for.

WW Update

It’s been about 11 weeks since I’ve started weight watchers and I could not be more proud of myself and the results I have seen. I have lost a total of 12.6 pounds so far! I can’t believe it. It’s the lightest I have been since my sophomore year in college and have never felt so good about myself. My exercise routine is at a point it has never been at. I run 5 miles a day, either 6 or 7 days a week and I’m absolutely enjoying it. I bought ActiveLink from WW which tracks and calculates my activity into PointsPlus Points for the entire day! It’s amazing because it tracks the point for YOUR body and sets goals for YOUR activity level. I can’t wait to reach my 10% goal of a total of 17 pounds. I can’t wait to see where I am in February for my birthday and then in June for the summer! :) pure happiness right now!

WW

I’ve decided I’m going to start Weight Watchers.

You've got mail!

The other day, I received my official college diploma! Even with such a stamp of approval (literally), I can’t but still not accept the fact that I have graduated college.  It is all in latin, most of which I can barely understand. But that is how I feel about this whole graduation thing - I can’t seem to translate it into words, to grasp those words into my hands so that I can feel, touch, smell, and hear them…

I am leaving for italy in less than 2 weeks which will help me even further deny and push off accepting my alumni status. 

I don’t know if or when I will be ready to move on from what I knew was home for me the past 4 years…

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."

- Dr. Seuss

Twin A & Twin G

My relationship with my twin, A,  brother is absolutely crumbling, and I am not sure how much longer I can take this. All I know is that when I was away at school, I was not upset all the time, or stressed due to our relationship, or I felt that I had to walk on eggshells or not be myself and do or say what I wanted. Before December 12, 2007, my relationship with my brother was like any other ‘normal’ brother-sister relationship was. We had our bad days but overall it was fine. The morning of December 12 of that year changed everything. My brother was in a terrible car accident on his way to school. He survived, but barely. With no broken bones and just a superficial cut on his head, it seemed he could have just walked right out from the  car, a miracle of some sort. But he didn’t. My father found him in the car, as he drove by the scene of the accident (that is how he found out), in the driver’s seat, eyes closed, not breathing, and completely still. Those around the car trying to save him thought he was dead. They smelled gas and tried to cut him lose, not wanting him to burn if the car did catch fire. A man helped by crawling through the back window, over the back seat to the front where he helped unlatch the seat belt. My brother took his first breath. The ambulance at this point arrives, taking him out of the car, on a stretcher, stripping and cutting his clothes off to examine his body. As he is being wheeled into the ambulance, my father sees him tighten his hands and arms. The medical term, we come to find out, is abnormal posturing. After he is brought to he hospital, stabilized, and doctors have had a look at him in the trauma room, we come to find out that my brother has a TBI (traumatic brain injury). He was in a come for about 4 months.

He eventually woke up, went to physical therapy, re-learning everything from scratch, just like a baby. Eating, drinking, walking, talking, writing, holding a pen, throwing a ball….everything. Today, he is doing much better but I can still see the effects of the injury. His only setbacks are his speech, which is still slurred (most people don’t notice it but I can since I am always around him), the right side of his body is still not 100% back to normal. He walks with a slight ‘limp’ and his can’t fully extend his right arm and use his right hand to its maximum capacity. But I don’t think that is the worst part. The worst part, in my opinion, is his mental capacity. His way of thinking. He does suffer from short-term memory loss but it is like he is a 17 year old stuck in a 22 year old’s body. The way he argues certain things or says or do don’t always make sense and aren’t very mature. This is where we differ and argue most of the time because one of my pet peeves is immature people and hypocrites. My brother is both. And I have lost all patience with him, probably because of this, and I know I may be wrong here but I just can’t do it anymore. We don’t work well together and I don’t think he can until he learns not to be stubborn and work on his way of thinking. Since December 12, 2007, we have never been the same, and for worse. I think my family and I suffer more from the accident that he did. We became the victims of the TBI, suffering from the effects it has put on us. 

Our most recent argument happened yesterday. An incident had gotten me upset but I quickly got over it. What really irritated me was what he said after. My brother proceeds to tell me that he commands me, he is my father, I do what he says. NOT THE CASE YOU FUCK! The mere fact of any guy believing he owns a woman and tells her what she can or cannot do irritates the fuck out of me!!!! I have always suffered from the double standard. My parents are Italian immigrants, coming from a very small town in southern Italy, so one can only imagine how they think, especially a father and his daughter. I am a victim of that. What is worse, we are twins! And I am the more responsible one, and my parents and everyone else knows that. I am not just saying that because I am talking here, but because it is true. But I always seem to get the short end of the stick. No joke, one time in Italy, I am with my friend (girl) and my brother says that we have to go home. Fine. Us three walk home together. As soon as I go into the house, my brother goes, “okay, I’m going back out…see you later.” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST WALK YOUR TWIN SISTER HOME ONLY FOR YOU TO GO RIGHT BACK OUT AGAIN?!?! We are in the 21st century here. 

I am my own person. I say and do what I want. I will take advice those around give me but in the end, I command my own body and thoughts. Don’t you dare tell me what I think or feel because YOU have NO idea. Be YOU. Only YOU. Do what makes YOU happy, not what makes OTHERS happy. 

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